About The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006 | View This Issue
AT THE UNIVERSITY
(Continued from Page One.)
Gonzales, a student of the University,
will deliver a sonnet on "Poe."
It will be seen from the above pro-.
gram that those who are to vie in do
ing honor to this genius of American
letters are fully capable and equipped
for the task by special study. The
speakers are all literary specialists and
are fully acquainted with the life and
merits of the poet of the grotesque
The citizens of Columbia are cor
dially invited to unite with the facul
ties and the students of the colleges in
thus doing honor to the memory of the
great poet, critic, and romanticist who
has powerfully influenced French and
German literature, whose works have
been translated into all the modern
languages of Europe, and who has
made so lasting a contribution to the
literature of the world.
A Pipe Dream
It was a cold, sultry, Octember
twilight. Great flakes of snow fell
outside, while the shrill wind whistled
mournfully through the cedar and
holly trees that dot the campus. The
noonday sun was shining with unac
customed splendor, even for an April
noon. Al. Wallace, just returned from
George Washington University, was
sitting on the monument, muffled in a
pink overcoat, expectorating tobacco
juice on the library, and singing "The
Booze I Left Behind" to the inspiring
strains of a sofa pillow. Literary Bob
could be seen perched in the "topmost
crag of rock-ribbed Tau"-that is to
say, perched on an oak limb, making
love to a bird, and smoking opium.
George Topshe stood on his head be
fore the Marshal's office, giving away
twAenty-dollar bills, and "Grease" Gray
don and a graphophone were having a
wordy battle up in Youmans' room,
much to the delight of that old lady.
"Same old campus, same old char
acters." said a stranger, who had just
appeared on the scene, and with the
assistance of the telephone directory,
had succeeded in rolling a keg of beer
into that big pit near Legare, where
Cooley keeps his snakes. "Same old
place, after all these years, except that
I don't see my venerable friend,
George Washington, who used to mend
umbrellas at 10 cents an umb. George
At this stage of the game, the gener
ouis "Senator," having distributed
$452,000 among the 'Freshmen, re
sumed his former attitude, and joining
arms with George Washington, who
had suddely dropped from nowhere,
they danced the "Merry Widow"
waltz with much gusto to the follow
"Of Georges, worth the mention,
So says our histo-ree,
Comes first General G. Washington,
And second, George Top-she.
All other Georges are a fake
(Save one wvithin our knowledge),
For we two Georges take the cake
The Patron Saints of the College I"
"Bravo I" cried the stranger, show
ing his false teeth in approval
"Row, row, row, South Carylinow I"
cried the General.
"Rack 'em up, Bubba I" cried 'the
At this precise moment, the delivery
wagon from the Great Moral Institute
hove into view with 902 dozen quarts of
beer for Buie and Rich, which Char
lie Colcock signed for, and got Mar
shal Dyches help him take up to Crum
Just then "Cope" Massey and From
berg ran in from the athletic field,
where they had been catching a few
punts, and became involved in a heated
discussion with "Chick" Addickes as to
whether Thermopylm or Waterloo was
the battle fought between Socrates and
the Carthaginians on one hand, and
Hammond and the French on the
other, just before Xerxes and Cleopa
tra had their famous falling out in
Babylon. Jack Desportes, with a hag
gard look, left in a lope for the river,
with McIlwain panting behind.
The Honorable I. Living Belser then
commenced his fanous imotiologue,
"How to Win the Roddey Medal."
This was listened to with closest at
tention by Sinipson and Izlar, who
frequently broke into applause. John
Sheppard, however, grew peevish at
hearing some one else talk so much,
andl he interrupted the speaker quite
rudely with a recital of how he made
his 45-yard run in the Citadel game.
Shakespeare resumed the discourse
with a vague and rambling account of
high tide at Long Branch, which im
mensely exciting piece of information
being received frigidly by his audi
ence, he departed in a huff for Topshe
College, accompanied by Brown, rat
tling poker dice in his pocket.
The discussion became more heated
than ever, nece... tating "Grease"
Graydon's coming out to stop the
noise. The sun, with a sorrowful
glimpse at Josh Ashley's head, went
out, and Darkness, Silence and the
Red Death reigned over all.
The Faculty Is Not There
The Faculty says to go to church,
I hardly think it's fair;
For when we sit in the pew
The Faculty is not there.
The 'fessors say to study hard,
And sit up late and study more;
So we ponder o'er our books
While all the 'fessors sleep and
"To chapel go," the Faculty says,
In a week don't miss but two;
But, Faculty, I wish to ask,
If chapel is not good for you?
Twice in every week that comes
We have to go to Gym,
To run and hop and skip and dance
Like monkeys on a limb.
From that old ancient river
We call the Congaree,
We get our bathing water,
And its cold enough "Gee whee."
-F. W. S.
I'll swear, there's my washwoman,
and I'm broke. *
The Sapp of the Brown and
White Bushes has gone down, but they
are still Green.
Prof. Sullivan's front name is Jim,
He thinks a great deal of him
Self, and loves "gassing"
But his chances of passing
Exams, are decidedly slim.
John Shakespeare Washington Hoey
Is really a broth of a boy;
He buys some rock-candy,
To mix with his brandy,
Which doth Bob Laird much annoy.
Hurrah for Professor Yates Snowden,
Dear Charleston lie oft has powwowed
And it has been said,
By a mai who's since dead,
That III History he sometimes talks
"Clint"Graydon, whom Dargan dubbed
It seemeth, has taken a lease,
To furnish the nation,
With his conversation,
When will his big mouth ever cease?
Wake Forest sent us down McCall,
Who dearly does like his high-ball,
He takes his rye "straight"
Swigs beer by the crate,
It's a wonder he's living at all I
John Sheppard, a governor's sun,
Is considerably fond of a pull,
But this is on him,
And his face will be grim,
1When we speak of his 40-yard run.
There's Belser, wve often call Irvine,
He's King, and his kingdom we serve
When he gives you "I swing,"
You can't do a thing
But wonder how lie holds his nerve in.
Then, there's my good old pal, Simon
Rich, whom I can make a bad rhyme
He lost his watch chain,
Now he searches in vain,
For something he can keep his time on.
Not to mention B. Jennings White,
Who often gets up in the night
To write a short story
Full of murders, and gory
Wounds, which he does when he's
There was a dark Senior named
Who, one Fair Week, was biffed with
In the hands of a lady,
Then turned he, and said he,
"0, Dammit," and mighty near cust
You all know old Mademoiselle,
Who is a musician as well;
She eats a banana,
And bangs the piano,
Till everyone hollers, " - "
Thanksgiving Day one of the most
exciting games that ever occurred was
pulled off at the mess hall, beginning
at 2 o'clock. The game was a long
contested, bloody struggle. The tur
keys had a strong line and ran a
beautiful interference. This back hit
the line for good gains and their ends
tackled beautifully. The students won
the game in a fake, Rainsford making
a spectacular run of 9o yards for a
And early in the morning there
ariseth a Joseph, surnamed Allen, and
goeth forth to ring the bell.
And the bell ringeth and maketh a
long noise and waketh those who sleep
from their slumber.
And the young men who have been
asleep rise up and gird their loins, and
each taketli a staff in his hand and
journyeth afar off and goeth into
mess; and there he devoureth the por
tion of the spoils awarded to him.
And, ere long, again the bell ring
eth with a loud noise, so that lie
trembleth and goeth unto chapel, unto
the assembling of the saints.
And a certain parson, surnamed
Mood, prayeth long and leisurely, and
when lie hath finished he sayeth,
And the young men arise and go
each to his own labor; some unto Eng
lish, and some unto Latin, and some
And, behold, there is much hustling,
and the young men are cast down and
sore at heart.
And Shakespeare, the Hoeytite,
singeth with a loud voice, saying:
"Oh, lay-ce-ceI You lay-ce
ee I Josh Ashley-ley-hoo 1"
And the young men are wroth and
rise up to lay hands upon the Hoeytite,
but he fleeth very swiftly and goeth
Vhere lie remaineth until the sun
bath set and cometh quietly back upon
And at the eighth hour the bell
ringeth, and again the young men rise
an( gird their loins and journey unto
And each devoureth his portion of
And when each hath devoured his
portion lie ariseth and goeth hence.
Some unto Math, some unto Chem
istry, and some unto Gym.
And, behold, some go into a far
country and there waste their sub
stance in eating, drinking and riotous
And when each bath gone his way,
a Robert, surnamed Gonzales, cometh
forth and chanteth upon the campus,
"Send ye one out from your midst
to meet me, and if i slay him then
shall your people serv,e me. But if he
slay me, then shall, my people serve
And, behold, Al. Wallace goeth out
to meet him.
And Robert riseth up against and
slayeth Al. Wallace, and placeth his
head upon the monument. And there is
weeping and wailing and gnashing of
And, behold, the sun goeth downi
and darkness cometh upon the earth.
And the young men goeth each to
his own room, and there he pondereth
diligently over Logic, Math. I, and
other things which do bring on sleep.
At last lie putteth out his light and
goeth unto bed, and darkness reigneth
upon the earth.
Boys, every now and then, take a
notion to write a little skit for the
wveekly paper. It will be always ap
preciated by the editor-in-chief.
Fresh Henderson (to Freshest Mc
Intyre): "Say, Bean, what horse
power is our electric globe ?"